paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
