I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
