It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
