I want to make a zoo with you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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