True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?