U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.