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• (415): View more from California

  shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.

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• (562): View more from California

  she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.

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• (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (917): View more from New York City

  about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen

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• (914): View more from New York

  Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.

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