I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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