Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna