Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?