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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.

  Fav 8 1208 2484

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you

  Fav 36 1361 4754

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• (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Fav 106 21720 1477

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.

  Fav 26 6418 1390

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?

  Fav 7 1115 2039

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Youre getting too old for this

  Fav 5 1743 915

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.

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• (707): View more from California

  OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS

  Fav 7 945 521

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.

  Fav 3 1137 555

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• (805): View more from California

  Are you feeling okay?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?

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