On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
