Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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