apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
