I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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