OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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