he wants to bone in the snuggie
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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