Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
