I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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