y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
