Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My ATM looks so different sober.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize