I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
