I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
