Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
