The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We need to get me chipped asap
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