don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
