you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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