Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
