Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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