she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
