dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
