Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
