Your dad touched me again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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