i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
