True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
