Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
