You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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