Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
