Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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