Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
