wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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