I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
