I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
