Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize