you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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