how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
