How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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