well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
