in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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