Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
