Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
