:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think my moral compass just broke
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
