i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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