I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
