My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
