Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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