He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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