oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
