he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
