sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
