Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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