I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
