So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
