he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
