Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
