So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
