My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
