last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
