when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
