why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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