Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
