She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
