I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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