Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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