When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
